Sorry, on this episode we had some technical difficulties, so this one will be in transcript version only. See the entire show transcript below:
Gary Collins: [laughs] This Gary Collins, creator of The Primal Power Method. I am here again with Nicole Hellendoorn, of California Paleo Kitchens. I did get her name right and got everything right this time.
Nicole Hellendoorn: [laughs] Third time’s a charm.
Gary: Yeah, I’ll get used to it after a while [laughing]. Today, we want to talk about a topic that’s been covered, but I think we’re going to take it in a little different direction, because usually people talk about going Paleo and dating. That’s fine and all, but I think it’s better to talk about in general, changing your health and dating.
I’ve been in that world for quite a while and I’m still single. I’ve dated different types of people with different physical backgrounds, as far as if they exercise or they don’t. It’s tough and I just don’t think it’s exclusive to Paleo. I think it’s in general, any one who changes their health and makes that next step into changing their health and stays with it. It totally changes your dating circle, it changes everything. What do you think about that?
Nicole: It definitely changes your dating circle. [laughs] If we’re talking specifically about Paleo, the most obvious impact for me is the fact that if you’re balancing your hormones, you’re going to be a lot foxier. For me, you’re going to be a lot more confident. You’re going to carry yourself better. People are going to pick up on that.
You are going to physically look better. You’re going to have all those kind of evolutionary keys of attractiveness that the opposite sex is going to pick up on. Maybe before you were dating fives, then you might be upgrading to sevens. I don’t know, I’m just saying that’s possible.
Usually, when you change your health and you improve your health, you’re improving your dating life and your sex life at the same time. Your hormones are in balance, and without going into too much detail, you’re just all around foxier.
Gary: That, I agree with. With that being said, what I have had going into my personal side here and sharing in depth things, I’ve been told it’s intimidating to someone else who is not working out or eating at the level I am . It make it tough, because they come over and I’m preparing the food that I eat. They look at it and it’s kind of new to them. They’re like, “Oh, God. This is really, really healthy.”
They usually end up liking it, but it’s almost immersion. They’re immersed in it right away, even though it’s just part of my lifestyle. For them, it’s all brand new.
It creates an interesting kind of dynamic, because you don’t want to try and force that person into what you do. At the same time, you would really like them to bring it into their life as well, and pursue the same health pursuits that you have, to be healthier and everything that goes along with it.
Like you said, any one who I work with, well, they start talking about their sex life. It always comes up. I tell them, “Your sex life will be better. Trust me on this one.” If you’re unhealthy, one of the first things your body shuts down is the reproductive system, that is why with our obesity epidemic, no fertility clinics are almost on every corner.
That’s the first thing it goes after, because that’s one of the things that it does not need in order to survive. It needs it to reproduce, but it doesn’t need it to survive. For me, it’s been pretty interesting.
Nicole: [laughs] I actually wrote a post on this a few months back called, “All’s fair in love and Paleo.” It was essentially five tips for dating a Paleo eater.
Gary: I do remember that one.
Nicole: I covered a lot of the same topics that you just bought up. Don’t be intimidated by our lifestyle. The way I like to approach it, maybe it’s because I’m a straight woman dealing with men, I don’t pressure them into eating Paleo. I don’t project. What I do is, I’m being on shopping, this is what it is. You are welcome to eat whatever you want.
I am very much of the laissez faire, it’s up to you. If I’m cooking and you’re eating it though, it’s going to be Paleo. That works out pretty well for me. It’s kind of interesting, because my boyfriend now has known me before I was Paleo. Now that I am, the difference is pretty big.
Obviously, I’m physically a lot healthier. I’m cooking a lot better than I used to. I’m just a little bit more skilled at it. I’m more confident in the kitchen. I’m more confident in life. I’m overall foxier, we’ll just leave it at that without airing all of our business.
Gary: [laughs] Come on, Nicole. Share.
Gary: Give us the nitty gritty.
Nicole: [laughs] No, no. We’re good. It’s interesting because some of the topics that I talked about for people, if you’re not a Paleo eater and you want to be a Paleo eater, don’t be intimidated to cook for us. We would love that. All you have to worry about is protein, veggies and fat. Keep it very simple to start. Don’t feel like you have to be all Paleo all the time.
If you want to go out to a restaurant with us, especially if your Paleo eater has sensitivity or allergies that you’re aware of, there are questions that you can ask the server in the restaurant when you call and plan ahead. Who doesn’t like someone that takes the initiative to plan ahead? That’s sexy.
I’ve covered a lot of that, that’s on my blog at californiapaleokitchens.com. If anyone needs it, I can send the link to that post directly.
We talked a lot about that.
Gary: Yeah, like you say, I remember reading it. I just thought for me, I’m more in general. The Paleo side, it’s one thing. I have noticed it in a different side as far as just health in general, with a wider group of people not in Paleo. Just because I’m within those circles doesn’t mean that the people deal with are just strictly Paleo.
My whole goal is to just make people healthier and to educate them. They don’t necessarily have to eat Paleo or Primal. It will be some sort of combination of that, but that’s not the end all to everything. Everyone’s a little bit different. With that being said, the dating side for most people, I find it interesting that you were dating the same guy before you went Paleo. He got to see this whole transformation which makes it very interesting.
What happens with people I work with, it’s usually I don’t get the husband and wife all the time. I usually get the wife first. When they change, it actually adds pressure to the relationship or marriage, because she’s losing weight. She’s getting healthier. She’s feeling better, and the significant other is kind of, “Ugh.”, not really going along with it.
It changes relationships and I’ve actually seen it where just one person of the relationship changes, and the other one never does. They still get along just fine, it’s no big deal. I’ve also seen the other end, where it causes strife and they end up breaking up, or divorced.
Nicole: I’ve never seen just health differences cause that. Usually there are other issues there. It’s important to be compatible in all aspects, as much as you can be with the person that you’re dating or married to. It makes it a lot easier to be healthy when you have a supportive partner.
When you have someone who is not an enabler or a saboteur, and when we get into relationships most people put on a little bit of happiness weight. Regardless if it’s Paleo or not, whatever you eat, you go out to eat, more. You’re a little bit more relaxed with your workout. Maybe you want to sleep in and cuddle, instead of going to the gym at 6:00 AM. All are reasonable things that happen in normal relationships.
Gary: I agree.
Nicole: It’s how you recover from that and how you prioritize your health and wellness. You don’t have to find your soul mate, but if it’s opposites attract and you have someone who is more of the Yoga very leisurely, once or twice a week versus someone who is hitting the gym and weightlifting six times a week.
Yeah, I don’t think you necessarily have to have the exact same mindset with health, wellness and fitness as your partner does. You see a lot of relationships where one couple is more of a hiker or a walker, but they don’t really go to the gym, or like that environment. The other partner is six times a week weightlifting heavy duty.
You don’t necessarily always have to find your soul mate, but I do think you have some level of compatibility and homeostasis in a relationship to support each other in relationship to support each other’s individual lifestyles.
Of course, you always want your partner to be healthy, but it has to be their healthy and what they feel comfortable doing; something that they’re going to sustain, because obviously the key to long term health and fitness is really about consistency and sustainability.
Gary: I’ve learned too, you never want to be the person who’s putting pressure on someone you are in a relationship with. It never works. You really discourage the person and you actually push them further away. That’s the attitude I’ve always taken, that when we first start dating, if they’re not really into what I’m into, that’s fine. But I don’t say anything. If they want to change on their own and they want to ask me questions and have me help them, I’m all for it.
But yeah, it’s one of those things that it’s like we talk about, you have to want to change for yourself. I’m not going to be the one to force you to change. It’s just an unhealthy way to go about it, and it causes a lot of real sensitive feelings, and hard feelings. They feel like you don’t like them for who they are, and things like that. It gets a little delicate.
Nicole: It can be. But I think if you’re with the right person that you can be open with, they’re not going to take offense for that. I do think it’s also important for couples to have some physical activity outside of the obvious relations…
Nicole: …where they are physically active together, because I think it’s important to get your heart pumping together, your endorphins flowing together, to mimic those first signs of relationship flirtation. It’s nice to experience that with your partner.
Maybe it is just going for a walk outside, or a short hike once in a while, or a bike ride. I do think that couples who are more physically active together at an activity they both enjoy, tend to have stronger relationships, in my experience.
Gary: That’s one of the things I preach, especially for people first starting out to make it easier. I tell them, “Take the kids,” if they have kids, or dogs. “Go and walk with your significant other,” whether it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife. I say that’s one of the easiest ways to not only get some exercise in at the end of the day, but it’s a great way to decompress.
You can talk. You’re walking, so it’s instantly like things unwind. You come home and you’re grouchy, and you sit across from each other and you just start digging into each other. It’s because you haven’t decompressed, yet. You haven’t let the day flow away.
The easiest way is to put on some walking shoes, go outside where it’s nice out. We’re lucky. We’re in Southern California where it’s very nice all year long, for the most part. But it’s obviously harder for people right now on the East Coast, where there’s 20 inches of snow.
But with that being said, there’s nothing wrong. I think people are afraid to go outside. I used to live in New Mexico. Even when there was snow on the ground, I would bundle up, grab my stuff and actually run until it got to under about 36 degrees. That was my cut off point for running.
Nicole: That’s too cold for me, I don’t go for that. [laughs]
Gary: It was cold, trust me; it was cold.
Nicole: But you can grab a thermos of tea. You can grab a thermos and go out together, and it’s nice. I think honestly, it’s one of the best things that you can do, particularly for a first date where it’s probably going to be the most awkward interaction you have if you continue to date the person is the first couple of dates, maybe. Hiking is an absolutely fantastic early date, and throughout your relationship; but specifically, early on.
That’s actually what me and my boyfriend started doing when we were living in San Francisco. We would go up to Moran which is just tons of landscape, beautiful scenery, lots of hiking trails. He knew about a lot of the really cool trails, which was really impressive to me.
We were able to talk and walk, but not have this awkward constant eye contact, where it was like no silence could be had, and it was awkward. We weren’t sitting across from each other; we were just walking and talking. It was nice.
You get to know someone, you’re outside and it’s beautiful. It smells great. I think that is one of the best things that people can do when they’re starting to date someone, is to just get outside and walk or hike as much as you can.
Gary: I thought it was to do 5 – 10 shots of Jagermeister [laughter].
Nicole: You go do that after.
Gary: Oh, OK. [laughs]
Nicole: Because you got your exercise in, then you can go drink. You know what that does? It gives the girl an out. If she’s not into it, she can say, “No thank you.” If she’s into it, she can go with you.
Gary: That is a great point. I have done that myself, especially over the last five or six years. First dates that are that way they’re hikes. They’re outdoors, walking.
Nicole: You know what that is? It’s called the “No game game.”
Gary: It really just cuts everything out.
Nicole: It’s like, I’m not going to do anything. I’m just going to let it happen.” It’s the “no game.” “I’m not trying to come onto you. I’m not trying to pick up on you. We call that, in my friends’ circle, the “no game” game.
Gary: Yeah, and trust me, I’m too old for that crap now. I haven’t got patience for it, for those games. Yeah, it’s like, “Do you like me or not?” I haven’t got time to go through all these little games. The, “three days, don’t call.” It’s like, “What?”
Nicole: Did you send out little Valentine’s that said, “Do you like me? Yes, no, or maybe”?
Gary: Yeah. [laughs] I remember those in grammar school.
Nicole: “Check one.”
Gary: Those were great. Yeah, that is a good one. Yeah, it is a great way just to get to know each other. Not only that, but if you do end up liking each other, you make it a routine. You make sure you go hiking three, four times, or twice a week, or whatever you can do.
Some of the happiest people I’ve also known who are in relationships are people who go to the gym together. What it does is it keeps a schedule so they go. But it’s a tough one, depending on their schedules. I’ve seen people who split it, too. One goes to the gym, the other one comes home. One watches the kids, or does whatever, and then the other person goes to the gym. Or I have also seen as soon as they walk in the gym together they go opposite directions and do their own thing.
Nicole: I’m not a gym person I have done it both ways where we’ve worked out together. I prefer to have my workout be my own thing. It’s my “me time.”
Gary: Me, too. I do as well.
Nicole: I’m always like, obviously they’re going to see me post workout looking my worst, which is fine. But it’s one of those things where you don’t want to see them at the gym getting all sweaty and nasty. It’s like, “I’ll see you later.” [laughs]
Gary: Yeah, I’m wired a little differently. I’m not that squeamish. I really don’t care anymore. I’d rather see you at your worst, to be honest with you.
Nicole: At your worst in the workout…Lululemon’s taken over so everyone has really cute workout clothes now.
Gary: Oh, yeah. Yeah, it’s true. No, it’s true. It’s just “different strokes for different folks,” as I always profess. You’ve got to find what works for you and your relationship. I have done this in the past. I haven’t had any time to do it anytime recently. I think one of the things you can do, too, is if you are athletic is to join groups.
There are a lot of dating/fitness groups where they’re meet up groups. It’s for runs, walks, hikes, mountain biking and road biking. They’re really popular in Southern California. I don’t know about other places of the country, but they’re really big here in San Diego. It’s a great way to meet someone who is into the same things you are into.
Again, it’s a challenge. Everyone I think has to understand that, that health and getting healthy is a wide dynamic. It really affects your social life. It affects your social circles, which I talk about in seminars.
If you’re looking to get healthy and you surround yourself with people who are unhealthy, your failure rate is astronomical. You have to figure out a way to be surrounded with someone who is interested in that same passion. That’s not to say that, like I said, if you’re getting healthy just go, “You know what, I don’t like you anymore. I’m getting divorced because you don’t work out.” that’s just ridiculous.
Nicole: Or someone loses 50 pounds. They think they’re ” too cool for school,” and then they keep out because now they think that they can upgrade and do better. Yeah, people like that, I don’t think so.
Gary: We agree with that, too. That is a personality flaw that was already in the relationship. It’s just that the transformation brought it out that much more.
Nicole: Relationships are like sharks, they’re always moving. They’re never sitting still and they don’t go backwards. They always have to be moving forward otherwise they’re going to stagnate. That’s the challenge with two people.
If you ever hear old people say, “What’s the secret to staying together?” It’s like, “Well, we never fell out of love at the same time.” People are going to change. They’re going to want to do different things. That just goes into more of your value system, and your level of commitment, and what you want from life and a relationship. That carries over to that.
Yeah, people will make big changes. They’ll get healthier, they’ll get sicker. They’ll get richer, they’ll get poorer. You have to navigate all of that together. You do have to have a level of support, and hopefully not too much enabling. [laughs]
Gary: Yeah. In general, yeah, that’s the thing. I think it’s a great place to wrap up. The best thing about changing your diet and your exercise routine is that if you do it right, if you do it right with the right principles that you teach and believe in, you’re not only going to be healthier; you’re going to be a better person, and it’s going to actually help your relationships along, as well.
That’s what it’s truly all about, and that’s why we picked this topic today, to help people understand that there is this dynamic to it. It’s not just about getting in shape and looking sexy in a swimsuit.
Nicole: It makes you better. It makes your whole life better. It makes your relationships better. It can, it should. [laughs]
Gary: It should.
Nicole: If it doesn’t, that’s another problem. [laughs]
Gary: We’re not saying it’s a magic pill. This isn’t the Dr. Oz show. [laughs] Oh, did I say it out loud? That’s what we just want people to understand. Once you get into this, it’s just like anything else. You’re going to change, and you’re going to change hopefully for the better; that’s the whole point. And make your relationships not only with your significant other boyfriend or girlfriend, but your family, your friends. It should make everything better, hopefully. That’s the goal in the end.
Gary: With that being said, I think we have hammered this subject enough. If anyone has any questions or wants us to talk about a specific topic, you can hit us both up on either website, which is always included in the video. It’s always included in the blog post, so you know where to get us. It will make it easier. We could say it, but it’s hard for people to get to your website when you say it real quick.
Nicole: It will be in the link. [laughs]
Gary: It will be in all the links.
Nicole: It’s in all the links.
Gary: But I appreciate it, Nicole.
Nicole: As always.
Gary: As always, great chatting. We shall talk later.
Nicole: We will. Thanks so much, guys.
Nicole: Talk to you later. Bye.
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